Friday, July 26, 2013
I have not been here for a while. I spent a few days in the psychiatric ward. I spent time with my parent s and I started becoming very nervous. When I was at Walmart I tried buying charcoal and a chimney that way I could try to commit suicide. However, my mom did not let me because she knew what my intentions were. I started to freak out and had a full blown panic attack. My heart was beating like crazy, I felt completely out of touch with reality and I felt like I was going to die. I felt enormous guilt because I felt like I was sinning against God because of my suicidal tendencies. I had to go in an ambulance to go to the emergency room. They gave me a pill for anxiety and I soon felt better.I told them the nurses that I had the suicidal thoughts so they sent me to a psychiatric unit for a few days. I spent one night with a horrible roommate. The whole night she was snoring obnoxiously loud and was always moving around her back. She even took a shower at one o clock at night.I had a terrible time trying to sleep. The nurse gave me an anxiety pill to help me sleep. I did not sleep at all that night.Then she randomly called me a bitch for no reason. I then switched roommates with a sweet lady named Gretchen.I really hit it off with her and opened up to her quickly.every night I would talk to each other about our emotional problems and our experiences. There was also a nice gay boy there who was around my age. It was funny because he reminded me so much of a boy I liked, Pierre. They have the exact same personality and mannerisms. There was also a man there who thought he was Michael, an angel sent down from heaven to kill the devil. He also thought he was an FBI agent.The whole experience there was overall calm and peaceful with the exception with the one night I spent with my obnoxious roommate.(not Gretchen the other one).I felt better since.In fact, I no longer even think about suicide.The nice part was that my mom was there with me most of the day.